Recently, my husband has been trading e-mails with my girlfriend (yes, I can call her that since we recently decided that we ARE dating) and it is weirding me out a bit. I mean, first of all I am married and have no business dating.(But, just try explaining that to the part of my brain that controls such things. You won't get much of a coherent result. Trust me. I've tried.) Secondly, since they have been conversing, things have gotten much more complicated at the surface.

Now, please, don't get me wrong. I am ecstatic that they are getting to know each other. I've wanted them to meet for a very long time because I know they would hit it off. But, the two of them talking has raised many topics of conversation between hubby and I and things just seem to have gotten...bigger.

She and I have never really stopped to talk about what we want or where we go from here. This wasn't lack of foresight. Neither one of us knows how to fit this into our existing lives. So, we sort of ignore that issue. Anyway, the current topic seems to be what we do now. At least, between hubby and I it is. She and I are still cruising along as we did.

I can't blame hubby for needing to know. He has to have some kind of security, right? But it's just not something I can answer. I have thought about it. I thought about it a lot. I just don't know where to go from here. I'm having a difficult time working her into the plan as it is now. Not that I don't want to, I just don't know where to put her in the great schematic of my life. (society dictates only one slot to be filled by a significant other.) I kinda like things as they are (though I would like to see her a lot more, but 3.5 hours one way puts a bit of a damper on spontaneous workings). I'm not sure I'm ready for anything more serious. I'm not sure she is, either. I'm definitely sure hubby and her Other are not.

But I'm not sure if I can keep it from becoming more. I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure I should.

So, here we are. Another convoluted relationship worked into the life of Mo. Life would definitely be easier if I were straight and nothing but. I'm not sure I'd be happy with that, though. I like her. I like talking with her. I like being with her. I like touching her. I don't want to give that up. More thinking...